Turn Off the Audio
by redwalgrl-RG
Summary: The World Conference isn't the best place to have sex. Germany x Italy


"Nngh, aah… L-Ludwiiig! It-it hurts!"

"Ssh, Feliciano… Th-they're right outside the room…"

The conference room had gone quiet the moment Germany excused himself to search for that useless Italy. Of course it wasn't usual for most of the nations to sit there staring at one another in silence, but the noises coming from the broom closet were more than enough to keep them silent.

"Maybe we should continue with the meeting." England was the first to speak up, his face a horrible blotchy red, eyes downcast on the table so as not to openly show his embarrassment. And who wouldn't be embarrassed about the situation? Aside from Russia, who had the usual creepy-smile on his face, and Prussia, who was actually leaning his chair back so he could hear the duo in the closet better.

"Shut it, eyebrows," The red-eyed nation snapped, stealing France's usual nickname for the man. "It's about time Ludwig finally got lucky with that brat! My god, I've been watching them flirt for _ages_! It's so… so… What's the word I'm looking for?"

"Adorable?" Hungary piped up, camera in hand, and suddenly behind the German's shoulder. "They're such a sweet duo, you know. I'm so glad for them! And I do hope they look as cute as they act~"

More faces went red around the table, and Austria sunk down further in his seat to avoid the pointed stares from the other nations. Of course they expected him to keep a leash on his ex-wife, but how was that even _possible_? Had they tried living with Hungary for a day even? Hardly.

"God!"

The exclamation from the broom closet caused the occupants of the room to jump, all eyes turning toward the door. "What should we do, aru?" China piped up, focusing on the door rather than the large Russian who seemed to be moving ever-closer. "Should we let them know we can hear them?"

"Of course not, that would ruin everything!" Prussia and Hungary seemed to be on the same wavelength for once, for the two responded simultaneously and returned their respective attentions back to the door.

"Oh England, why are you so embarrassed?" France purred, finally taking notice of the other nation's obvious discomfort. He seemed to take a lot of pleasure in exposing it to the entire ensemble as well. "Isn't that the same broom closet where I saw you and America last meeting?"

"No," America cut in, unabashed, "that was Russia and Lithuania last meeting. England and I were the one _before_ that. Remember?"

England groaned and let his head fall on folded arms. Why did he always have to be surrounded by stupid nations? What did he do to deserve this? "Shut. Up. I don't want to hear it."

"Um, shouldn't we actually discuss some of the world's crises while we're here?"

The meek voice came from Canada, sitting beside his overshadowing brother. Of course, no one paid the slightest bit of attention to him.

"I believe we've spent more than enough time discussing other's personal affairs. Shall we reschedule the meeting to next week, then?" Japan asked, retaining the polite air despite his obvious discomfort at the topic of conversation.

"Next week?" Korea whined, appearing from somewhere behind China, causing the other nation to let out something between a squeak and a yelp. "But then we'd have to travel all the way back here! And airplanes are slow! Well, not mine of course, because they're the best, but everyone else's!"

"Why don't we meet somewhere else besides England for once? We're like, always meeting here." Poland shrugged. He'd ended up on Lithuania's lap while the rest weren't paying any attention, and was earning himself the creepiest grin Russia could muster. Luckily for the blond nation, he was impervious to the mighty Russia's Leer attack.

"Let's meet in Austria! Then we can wreck his house." Prussia offered, snickering at the aristocrat's expense, and ducking as Hungary swung the frying pan at his head. Where she pulled it from was still a mystery the other countries weren't eager to solve.

Suddenly the door opened and Italy skipped out into the room, uniform askew. Germany followed close behind, adjusting his collar but otherwise looking completely pristine. The other countries merely stared. Someone whispered, "Damn, they're fast," and it went to hell from there.

"_Bruder_! What was that? You're not supposed to have your first time in a closet anyway, but more importantly, why didn't you take forever and keep us in suspense? And he's supposed to be in _pain_ when you're done!" Prussia pointed over at the still happy-looking Italy, who was now sitting next to his own brother, who scooted away irritably.

"What?" Germany stared at Prussia with an expression that clearly read _'Oh-so-wonderful brother, what exactly are you on this time?'_

"Don't give me that look!" Prussia poked Germany in the chest. "You. Had. Sex. With. Him. In. That. Closet." He punctuated each word with another poke, until Germany swatted his hands away. The older nation pouted, looking for all the world like a spoiled child. Come to think of it, he really did act like one too.

"I certainly didn't. I don't know what you're talking about, _bruder_."

"Denying it? That's even worse!"

"Ah, Germany, what are you and Prussia fighting about now?" Italy asked fixing the two with a big brown-eyed stare that screamed innocence. "Germany had to help me get untangled from the mop in the broom closet—is that what this is about? Sorry to hold up the meeting~"

The silence was deafening. Russia dropped his pipe on the ground to break the silence, and immediately the countries began expressing their relief at the situation.

"Oh thank god. I don't know what I'd do if they'd actually been having sex in there."

"I can't believe it! It _sounded_ like sex."

"Aru, what a relief…"

"Now that the broom closet is free, would you like to _become one_ again, Lithuania?"

"Ah, uh, no thanks…"

"Like, keep your hands off my man!"

Finally the meeting got underway, everything back to what passed as normal for the countries.

It was only as they were leaving that Italy slid up to Germany's side. "Ah, Germany, we're not going to tell them, are we?"

"No, Feliciano. We're not. I'd rather not have my brother know about my personal affairs." Germany sighed, shaking his head.

"Hey, since the closet hasn't been used for sex today—"

"Don't even think about it, Prussia! Austria's _mine_!"

"I'm not exactly an object you two can fight over you know…"

"Yes, it's definitely best if no one ever finds out."

"Haha, Ludwig knows best!"


End file.
